Mia Famiglia (I figured since we were at the Italian-American Cultural Society this title would work)

I have survived the wedding weekend of the century and lived to tell the tale (I did wimp out on day three though). There were actually three events going on, but I certainly didn’t want to steal any thunder from either the bride and the groom, or the bride’s pappy the next day at his surprise birthday party. OF COURSE, I was celebrating the union of two souls. OF COURSE, I was celebrating the completion of one more year of life on this planet for one of my family. But I also had reason to celebrate something for myself. And because not everyone knows what that might be, here’s the short version.

For various reasons over the years (some legit, some dubious) I have been in and out of contact with the bulk of my family on my dad’s side. As a small child, I had more frequent contact—though even that wasn’t really “frequent”—but as time went on, those points of contact became ever more sparse. Folks moved away, I became a delinquent but eventually turned that around, I got married and led a fairly insular life. A couple of weddings here, a couple of funerals there, and then even that dried up. And time gets away from you. And because life is the way it is, not everyone is at every event, so the range of time you haven’t seen someone can vary greatly.

Enter the wonder that is Facebook. I give Facebook a lot of shit, but it has enabled me to connect with family members (and friends, too) that I haven’t seen in a very, very long time, and with some that I have never met at all. Before Toni passed away, though, I only dabbled with social media; after that, I exploded all over Facebook (they’re still trying to clean up the mess). Since that time, I have become extremely close and very attached to several members of my extended family. I have witnessed them interacting with each other, and gotten to know my family just a bit better. And that great as far as it goes. Maybe I’m just irreparably old school. As wonderful as the internet has been to me, it still cannot substitute for meeting someone face to face, hearing their voices (I’m not big on FaceTime or Skype), holding them close and breathing the same air. So as nice as it’s been connecting electronically with everyone (“everyone” is a relative term; I’m still gathering friends…although “relative” is an appropriate term, since that is what I am writing about), something was still missing.

I’m minding my own business, looking through my junk mail, thankful that there are no bills and then remembering 99% of my bills get paid electronically (duh), when suddenly I come across a letter addressed to me from my cousins, Birtie and Lenny. It’s either way too early or way too late to be a Christmas or birthday card…Oh. It’s a wedding invitation. Their daughter is getting married. Huh.

Now, you have to keep in mind that over the last 2 ½ years, I have pretty much become a hermit. I don’t leave the house unless I have to, like when I run low on/out of food. One of the main reasons I go to therapy every week (I’ve only played hooky once in over a year’s time) is so that I get out of the house at least once a week (don’t tell my therapist that). I usually try to time my food shopping trips to coincide with therapy day so I don’t have to go out more than once. For all I know, the invite might have been in the mailbox for a couple of days because I don’t check it everyday (see mostly junk mail and non-bills above…); my mailbox is across the street and my driveway is 90 feet long. So. I’m going to an event with a few hundred people, at least half of whom are related to me in some way or another, a few of whom I know personally, none of whom I've seen at the very least in a decade and a half, and at most more than 50 years. And have a good time. Sounds like a disaster in the making for someone who is socially challenged.

But here is the amazing and wonderful thing about my family—and I hope that it works this way in yours, and if it doesn’t I hope you find a family where this is true someday or create one of your own—I didn’t have any anxiety about it. And this is why. In all of those many years of meeting up every once in a great while, I have never once been treated like I didn’t belong. Those feelings of being on the outside and looking in (if they exist at all) would be all on me. I have always been part of the pack, no matter the time and distance. Whenever we have gotten together, it’s as if no time has passed at all and we just pick right up where we left off. I expected that this time would be just like that. And it was. I have missed a lot of opportunities over the years there is no doubt. But I have etched in my memories every single one that I was part of.

Look, I’m no fool. I know day to day life is different from event life. Every family has problems and squabbles and no family is perfect. I get that. But. There’s a world of difference between “Oh god, why did you have to invite him” and the warm embrace of people who love you no matter what. I am very lucky to be on the good side of that equation. (Of course, I have no way of knowing what anyone says when I’m not there, so there’s that…)

Having the wedding reception was a great way to get reintroduced, and in quite a few instances, introduced for the first time, to people that are a part of my history whether I was aware of them or not. We each hold a piece of our family’s history and it’s a wonderful thing to be able to share that with others. Having the birthday party the next was almost as great a treat for me, because it was then that I could actually sit down with folks and have longer conversations that didn’t require shouting over the music. (I say almost, because the wedding has to be on top.) But even then, there wasn’t enough time for everyone. But that’s okay, there’s always next time. I’m excited to get to know my newly acquainted relatives, even as I look forward to reminiscing more with the ones I already knew.

It’s strange to think, that we members of the OG Kessler/Seibert/Gelb Cousin Crew are now at the age our grandparents were when we first started popping up. Well most of us are; one of us still has a couple of years to go…And we’ve long since passed the ages of our parents in that regard. And as I look out of this field of NextGens that you all have, I’m a little less worried about the world in general. I see an awful lot of really good people following after us. Good job, Crew, good job. In the time we have left on this earth, I hope to get to know each one of you better. And this holds especially true for the cousins that couldn't make the wedding.

So thank you yet again, Alicia and Trey Raynes for inviting me. You have no idea how much this has meant to me, but I hope this gives you just a little idea.