I have survived the wedding weekend of the century and lived
to tell the tale (I did wimp out on day three though). There were actually three
events going on, but I certainly didn’t want to steal any thunder from either
the bride and the groom, or the bride’s pappy the next day at his surprise birthday
party. OF COURSE, I was celebrating the union of two souls. OF COURSE, I was
celebrating the completion of one more year of life on this planet for one of
my family. But I also had reason to celebrate something for myself. And because
not everyone knows what that might be, here’s the short version.
For various reasons over the years (some legit, some dubious)
I have been in and out of contact with the bulk of my family on my dad’s side. As
a small child, I had more frequent contact—though even that wasn’t really “frequent”—but
as time went on, those points of contact became ever more sparse. Folks moved
away, I became a delinquent but eventually turned that around, I got married
and led a fairly insular life. A couple of weddings here, a couple of funerals
there, and then even that dried up. And time gets away from you. And because
life is the way it is, not everyone is at every event, so the range of time you
haven’t seen someone can vary greatly.
Enter the wonder that is Facebook. I give Facebook a lot of
shit, but it has enabled me to connect with family members (and
friends, too) that I haven’t seen in a very, very long time, and with some that
I have never met at all. Before Toni passed away, though, I only dabbled with
social media; after that, I exploded all over Facebook (they’re still trying to
clean up the mess). Since that time, I have become extremely close and very
attached to several members of my extended family. I have witnessed them
interacting with each other, and gotten to know my family just a bit better. And
that great as far as it goes. Maybe I’m just irreparably old school. As
wonderful as the internet has been to me, it still cannot substitute for
meeting someone face to face, hearing their voices (I’m not big on FaceTime or Skype),
holding them close and breathing the same air. So as nice as it’s been
connecting electronically with everyone (“everyone” is a relative term; I’m
still gathering friends…although “relative” is an appropriate term, since that is
what I am writing about), something was still missing.
I’m minding my own business, looking through my junk mail,
thankful that there are no bills and then remembering 99% of my bills get paid
electronically (duh), when suddenly I come across a letter addressed to me from my cousins, Birtie and Lenny. It’s either way too early or way too late to be a Christmas
or birthday card…Oh. It’s a wedding invitation. Their daughter is getting
married. Huh.
Now, you have to keep in mind that over the last 2 ½ years,
I have pretty much become a hermit. I don’t leave the house unless I have to,
like when I run low on/out of food. One of the main reasons I go to therapy
every week (I’ve only played hooky once in over a year’s time) is so that I get
out of the house at least once a week (don’t tell my therapist that). I usually try to time my food shopping
trips to coincide with therapy day so I don’t have to go out more than once.
For all I know, the invite might have been in the mailbox for a couple of days
because I don’t check it everyday (see mostly junk mail and non-bills above…);
my mailbox is across the street and my driveway is 90 feet long. So. I’m going
to an event with a few hundred people, at least half of whom are related to me
in some way or another, a few of whom I know personally, none of whom I've
seen at the very least in a decade and a half, and at most more than 50
years. And have a good time. Sounds like a disaster in the making
for someone who is socially challenged.
But here is the amazing and wonderful thing about my family—and
I hope that it works this way in yours, and if it doesn’t I hope you find a
family where this is true someday or create one of your own—I didn’t have any
anxiety about it. And this is why. In all of those many years of meeting up
every once in a great while, I have never once been treated like I didn’t
belong. Those feelings of being on the outside and looking in (if they exist at
all) would be all on me. I have always been part of the pack, no matter the
time and distance. Whenever we have gotten together, it’s as if no time has
passed at all and we just pick right up where we left off. I expected that this
time would be just like that. And it was. I have missed a lot of opportunities
over the years there is no doubt. But I have etched in my memories every single
one that I was part of.
Look, I’m no fool. I know day to day life is different from
event life. Every family has problems and squabbles and no family is perfect. I
get that. But. There’s a world of difference between “Oh god, why did you have
to invite him” and the warm embrace of people who love you no
matter what. I am very lucky to be on the good side of that equation. (Of
course, I have no way of knowing what anyone says when I’m not there, so there’s
that…)
Having the wedding reception was a great way to get reintroduced,
and in quite a few instances, introduced for the first time, to people that are
a part of my history whether I was aware of them or not. We each hold a piece
of our family’s history and it’s a wonderful thing to be able to share that with
others. Having the birthday party the next was almost as great a
treat for me, because it was then that I could actually sit down with folks and
have longer conversations that didn’t require shouting over the music. (I say
almost, because the wedding has to be on top.) But even then, there wasn’t
enough time for everyone. But that’s okay, there’s always next time. I’m
excited to get to know my newly acquainted relatives, even as I look forward to
reminiscing more with the ones I already knew.
It’s strange to think, that we members of the OG Kessler/Seibert/Gelb
Cousin Crew are now at the age our grandparents were when we first started
popping up. Well most of us are; one of us still has a couple of years to go…And
we’ve long since passed the ages of our parents in that regard. And as I look
out of this field of NextGens that you all have, I’m a little less worried about
the world in general. I see an awful lot of really good people following after
us. Good job, Crew, good job. In the time we have left on this earth, I hope to
get to know each one of you better. And this holds especially true for the cousins that couldn't make the wedding.
