Easter Eggs, Deviled Eggs, or Rotten Eggs; Be a Good Eggs and Decide for Yourself

Often when I look for funny things on the internet, one thing leads to another (which is usually a good thing for me because it opens new opportunities to find other funny things). I usually don’t document these journeys because 1) they often lead to places that are decidedly unfunny and 2) the search itself isn’t that funny; it can be downright boring. Today I’m going to depart from that norm just a little and peel back the curtain a little on the “work” I do to make the world a happier place. Come dive with me into the Rabbit Hole with me and see if we can discover some Easter Eggs.

Phase One

It started out with a simple idea. I thought I would do a bit on the Nordstrom Rack chain. You know, find a suitable picture of a medieval rack that I could twist into patrons picking out what victim they wanted to buy. (Really, Peter? That’s pretty dark. I’d hate to see what you consider “decidedly unfunny…”)

 “Could I get one in Extra Long?”

This search provided me with the following.

 The one on the left provides us with the grim historical context as well as reminding us of the potential penalty of violating copyright laws; the one on the right lets us know that the Rack is still relevant in today’s world…at an affordable price (full size models are considerably more expensive: now you know what I mean when I say decidedly unfunny.)

Other tangents led me to things I didn’t know were called “The Rack”.

 It’s a rare thing when I find an old movie I never heard of. (Incidentally, that’s Anne Francis on the movie poster, not Wendell Corey; if you saw a picture of Wendell Corey you could probably tell the difference…) And correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t the exercise device on the right just a walker? This exercise “machine” sells for $125…

If you truly have fitness goals, lifting weights should be a part of your regimen. Naturally, you will need to store your weights when you are not using them. How about a rack?

 The name of this storage system tells you all you need to know about why the Medieval Rack was ever used.

Of course no search of mine would be complete without an inappropriate reference. (This is a picture I actually downloaded to my phone a few weeks back as a funny Avengers meme, but never got around to posting it on Facebook.)

 Having seen enough evil in his life, Hawkeye checks out a “nice” rack.

The Final Nordstrom Rack product is actually not final. I couldn’t decide which Nordstrom image fit the original concept better. So I mashed them together and you can decide. They are both pretty “dark” in the context.

 Phase Two

Me, ever being the malcontent, decided that one such endeavor was not enough. Surely I could come up with another brand that would lend itself to “fun”. I confess, at this point it was no longer about entertaining you, the reader; it was all about me.

Mongolian Barbeque was the first thing that popped into my head. It seemed like a natural to poke fun at Genghis Khan. I always assumed that BD’s was the only game in town. I was wrong and the internet delivered me a present I wasn’t expecting.

 That’s right folks. Genghis Khan has a restaurant chain named after him. I supposed we should expect Napoleon’s Bone-apart Rib Joint next. Or maybe Hitler’s Sauer Kraut Biergarten.

Right. THIS Genghis Khan.

If Sauron had him on his side, he wouldn't have needed Saruman or the Orcs to win...

Anyway, I plodded ahead to find what a barbeque might look like if Khan ran one.

“No, the other Khan!”

 “No! The other, other Khan!!”

 “Ahh, that’s better! Now THAT is a Mongolian Barbeque!”

Phase Three

My mind was awash with possibilities. My next victim ended up being Pizza Hut. That should be an easy one. As it turned out, I had a little trouble with this one. Somehow, my Google searches just didn’t want to cooperate. But after much perseverance, I finally found something suitable. Well, it was the only image of its kind that I was able to find and luckily, it suited the purpose quite well. I would have been screwed otherwise.

 Behold! A hut of pizza!

The original plan was to put the Pizza Hut logo next to the picture, so you would know what it was. Looking at it now I think it pretty much speaks for itself. But as I grabbed the logo, I noticed something about it. See if you can see it, too.

 Maybe it should be called Pizza Hat.

I should have known Carmen Sandiego would bring a host of memes with her. The best ones of course involved Waldo. And also the worst: there was one that proved yet again that Rule 34 still holds true. Here are a couple of clean ones.

 I hope they find happiness together wherever they end up.

One thing I did not know is that Pizza Hut is now into the shoe business. And have been for over a year. Obviously, the type of programming I normally watch doesn’t cater to that type of advertising (and you know I love advertising). That or I just put them out of my head as soon as I heard of them. Either way, I was surprised. I hope the shoes’ soles don’t influence the quality of the pizzas’ crusts. In addition to being able to order a pizza delivery using your shoes like last year’s model, this year’s will let you pause the game while you answer the door and pay for your pizza.

Next year they will open the door to let the delivery person bring your pizza directly to you. Plans are in the works for the year after to have the delivery person feed it to you. Pizza Hut is trying to trademark a living room toilet/recliner so you never have to get up at all.

Phase Four

My last thought (“thank goodness,” you say?) came to me after quite a few non-starters. Sadly, it was centered on a food chain again, but my brain was getting tired by this point.

 

Tim Horton Hears a Who:

 “Sorry, sir. We don’t serve Danishes.”
“I’m not Danish! I’m a Time Lord!”

Or:

 “No, really, this is a police emergency: I’m calling from a Police Box. We need a dozen jelly-filled donuts immediately!”

Or:

 “Why yes. I am a swinger. I’m swinging right now. Why do you ask?”

I just don’t know. The whole thing just became all timey-wimey.

Tim Horton hears The Who:

 “Who are you? Who? Who? ’Cause I really want to know”

“Who are you?”

“We are the Who.”

“Aww, is this some kinda ‘Who’s on first’ gag? I’m sorry I didn’t get it. Mr. Horton played hockey, not baseball.”

I couldn’t even decide which Who picture to use.

 “No, sir, ’Won’t get fooled again’.”

“Seriously, what’s your name?”

“Baba O’Riley”

And the devolution was complete. Who is Who? Maybe Dr. Seuss heard Tim Horton:

Maybe Dr. Seuss is THE Doctor!

So there it is: the process. What was once simple, became complex; what was once orderly became chaotic. We have moved from medieval torture devices to world conquerors, modest huts to elephants possibly suffering from auditory hallucinations. Along the way we touched on shopping, barbequing, getting lost, coffee and donuts, time travel, and legendary rock bands. We even saw some exercise and athletic shoes that are anti-athletic. We have experienced a lot of life here today. I hope you enjoyed your trip with me. Please come again. Watch your step as you exit.